“As unto the bow the cord is,
So unto the man is woman;
Though she bonds him she obeys him,
Though she draws him, yet she follows,
Useless each without the other!”
In our modern times it is easy to get swept away in all the cynicism and gloom of the ever growing insanity of life. For that reason it is good to remind ourselves of positive stories and, more importantly, that such positive stories are still possible. While the Supreme Court yesterday paved the way for the legalization of gay marriage here in the US, there is a good story coming out of Canada. It is about a couple, Doug and Helen Hatton, who celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary yesterday, June 26th, at a time when many cannot last even 7.
One thing I noticed about them was their playfulness. These two enjoyed teasing each other a bit. My favorite line from the article is when Doug says (highlighted),
Helen lives at Rapelje Lodge on Plymouth Rd. and Doug travels from his Denistoun St. apartment twice a day every day to see his wife.
“I do it just to see her, to be with her for a bit,” he says modestly of the dedicated trek.
“Where else would I go? Must mean I kind of like you.”
This is something too many people do not understand, the importance of simple joking and teasing. My grandparents were great with that and their marriage lasted just a few months short of fifty years when my grandmother passed. It is strange but with the elderly couples you can more clearly see the dynamics of a successful marriage. When two people can sit silently together yet know the other’s heart and mind, that is when you have truly become one.
Instead of teasing, I see and read about guys always complimenting and essentially appeasing the woman. An occasional compliment is constructive, constantly doing so is not. The men who do this are the same ones that place her as their center. It is not meant to be this way. Men are not the relation beings, women are. Women exist in relation to men; their fathers then their husbands. Those women who lack such relation are adrift in a chaotic existence. Men are, instead, the rock upon which women find refuge from their emotional whirlwind.
I believe those with the long, healthy, happy marriages are the people who best understand this and apply it to their lives. It is not misogynistic to say this about women because that would imply it is a bad thing for women to be this way. But it is not a bad thing. Eve was made that way before the fall, meaning it is an inherently good aspect of female nature. A man should neither cater to a woman’s erratic emotions nor allow himself to be controlled by them. He is meant to lift her above them, not be dragged down with her. Happiness for both comes from stabilizing the woman by first strengthening yourself.
How does a man strengthen himself? He places God as his center. It is possible to be a good man without believing in God, but you are not whole and your marriage will never be whole. I must note that he does not place the God of liberal, effeminate Christianity as his center, but rather the biblical God that destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, struck down Uzzah, punished the Egyptians, saved an adulteress from a mob, healed the sick, and preached turning the other cheek.
The more people realize what makes a marriage such as the one Doug and Helen Hatton have, the more likely it is they may have a similar marriage. Although the chances of finding a respectable wife, or husband, today is rather slim it is still possible. At the end of the day, for those that are married, it all comes down to this, really,
They still hold hands.
Still look into each other’s eyes.
And still whisper “I love you.”